Getting Those Finances In Order

One of the most disorganized aspects of my life has been my finances. It’s funny, because I used to be very on top of my finances and dedicated to saving and being very prudent with my expenses. In my past I had to deal with a home life where money was always tight and sacrifices were made just so our family could eat. I was terrified about falling into the same traps that my parents fell into when they were younger, and it motivated me to stay organized with my money.

I don’t know when things changed. Possibly when I started making pretty decent money for myself. As my income increased, my urge to spend increased with it. More expensive clothes, more nights out, careless spending on frivolous items. It kept increasing and I never noticed. I just kept making more money so the higher expenses were always covered. Eventually, I had to hit a wall though. I soon discovered that my increased spending habits were disastrous for my future planning. I had dug myself into such a hole that I am now facing and I have no choice but to dig myself out if I want to have a happy and fruitful future.

The finance fix began last night. Although I was aware of a debt or two that had to be covered, I did not have a clear picture of my financial situation and, what I have discovered as a problem for me, if I don’t see it, I don’t deal with it. So to begin things, I ordered my credit reports. Everything that I had neglecting and forgotten showed up and it helped paint a picture of just how much I needed to dig.

It was surprising, and a little sickening, but also a little relieving as now I have something to work with. A number to work down, a goal.  A review of my spending habits over the past year also helped get my mind focused on the right path of getting my finances in order. Although I have been better in controlling my spending over the past year, I still have some of the same issues of trying to reward myself when things are tough by spending when I shouldn’t.

I have a lot of other goals I would like to accomplish. I certainly would like to get married, buy a new car, and of course, have a nice house in my name, but none of those are even possible if I don’t figure out my finances. Neglecting them will do nothing for me but cause more grief down the road. So today it begins. With her help, we are putting together a spending budget, a repayment schedule, a plan to get things back in order. Being a man means being in control of your life. Finances play such a big role in our lives, it is astounding that so many people have issues with it. I am one of them. But not for much longer.

Getting out of debt is not a tricky business, it is all about planning and sacrifice and diligence. I gave her access to all of my finances and I know that will keep me vigilant on my spending. She is my rock and I will do this, thanks to her. Granted, I should have had this taken care of a long time ago, nay, I should never have been in this position to begin with, but what’s done is done, and it’s what I do moving forward that really counts.

Getting My Financial S#!T Together

I’ve always been the kind of person that likes to build budgets. But I have had a big problem sticking to them and its done nothing but get me into sticky financial situations. I’ve always made a decent income, but I’ve been absolutely horrible in managing my expenses and always seem to spend more than I should on things like entertainment. I love the idea of saving and am a hoarder by nature and enjoy watching that dollar amount rise in my savings accounts, but I just couldn’t stick to it.

It is one of the reasons why I went through all of this crap in the first place. The need to cover my expenses was beyond what my income could provide, so I did what I could to get by. Just temporary fixes, with the looming realization coming at some point to bite me in the ass. Well everything did bite me in the ass and now I have nowhere to go but up. As I mentioned in a previous post, I’ve paid off all of my immediate debts that were holding me back and now its time to make some real change.

Luckily, my debts were not substantial. It was more my actions that caused everything to fall apart. I don’t carry any credit card debt and aside from some small bills that I need to track down and cover, I am pretty much at ground zero. This is a great time to build a budget and actually stick to it.

For the entire month of April, I’ve been working with a budget and everything has been going well. It has been keeping me accountable and organized and ensuring everything I need to pay for is paid for. It is a great feeling to know that I am getting organized with my finances and I feel much less stress as a result.

Now the  hard part, is sticking to it. I feel like I can do it this time. I am no longer being irresponsible with my expenses and am “paying myself first” to ensure all of the important things are taken care of first before I go out and spend all my money.

It has only been a month, but this is really the longest I’ve ever stuck to a budget. I think it is safe to say that I have my financial shit together now and will cross this item off my list. Onward and upward!

All Paid Up And Moving Forward!

Today is a day of celebration for me. I get to cross of an item from The List! It has been a long time coming, and, has been the item that has been causing me the most stress and concern for the past few months.

Today, I am all paid up with my immediate debts and can now look forward with nothing but hope.

This is a very big accomplishment for me, and I am happy. I have been working very hard to get these debts paid off. I’ve been stressed out, and sacrificing a lot in order to do so, but now I can finally, truly focus on what is ahead. This success, is more than just paying money that I owe, I’ve actually changed my perception and behaviour with money and that is what I am really proud of. It is a tangible change that I can see and feel good about.

I’d love to write more, but its almost 3 am and I get up for work at 530 am. I’m already exhausted from two very full days already and today is going to be very tough as well. However, there is no more stress. Every action I take now, is to build me up as a better person, there are no chains holding me to the man I was before any longer.

My slow crawl over these past few months can now become a run.

Ready, set….go!

 

Beyond My Control

I am on the cusp of crossing off one of the most important, most stressing items on my list right now, and I can’t because of circumstances beyond my control. I have done everything I can to put myself in a position to complete this important task, yet, things keep happening that are delaying me and it is incredibly frustrating.

To make matters more frustrating, she has been reconsidering getting back together with me because it has taken so long to complete this item in the first place. I agree, I’ve been delaying and delaying, mostly because I’ve been scared of dealing with this. It is one of my faults, delaying or avoiding things that scare me. This is one of the major issues I’ve been struggling with this past week. She helped me realize I was falling into this old habit again and gave me the kick in the ass to move forward. So this week I did everything, everything, to ensure this task was completed this week. But now, I have to wait, on others, before this task can be completed, and it only reflects poorly on me, because I have to wait, and can’t reap the reward of completing this task.

I know she is going to think this is me delaying again, there is no way around it and there is nothing I can say. Actions speak louder than words, and until this task has been completed, I am stuck. My hands are tied here.

The task at hand, is paying off my immediate debts. One of the catalysts of everything falling apart was financial in nature, as is the case with most people who get into trouble. And I can’t do anything beyond my own personal building, until this task has been completed and this money has been repaid. I have the money, I’ve worked my ass off and sacrificed a lot to make sure I did, but now, I am waiting on policy and procedure before anything can happen. I just want this done.

I am angry and frustrated and can do nothing but hope that when this is finally resolved this week (it had better be done this week), that she will understand that I was not intentionally delaying. I just hope its not too late.

Not Every day is Rainbows and Sunshine

From the positive themes of my recent blog posts, many would think that I must be happy with how things have been going. I’m working to pay off debts, I’m starting to reconcile with my love, I’m learning new things about my self, I’m building new skills, I’m developing my career, and I’m finding a level of normalcy.

But I am not happy, I’m miserable. I am dissatisfied with how things have been moving along. Even with the small victories I have achieved, I don’t feel right. I still feel guilty, and terrible for everything that has happened, and I’m starting to realize that no matter what happens in my life moving forward, I am never going to be able to put this behind me. I am going to carry this weight forever, regardless how much understanding and forgiveness I get from others.

I am also growing impatient with myself. I understand that these things definitely take time, but I am growing restless. the one major victory I need is out of my control for the time being. I have several financial debts that need to be resolved as soon as possible before I can truly move forward. The problem is that I am waiting on others. I had taken a mediocre job at the beginning of the month just so I could start pulling in an income. Despite that I’ve been busting my ass, I still won’t see a paycheque for another 2 weeks. I am also waiting on several cheques from a few of my freelance clients, some that I’ve been waiting on for almost 2 months. I need to make some progress and I just need a bit of money to come my way so I can feel like I’m actually fixing my mistakes. I hate that this is out of my control.

Rant over. I need to try to have a good day. One day at a time.