Beyond My Control

I am on the cusp of crossing off one of the most important, most stressing items on my list right now, and I can’t because of circumstances beyond my control. I have done everything I can to put myself in a position to complete this important task, yet, things keep happening that are delaying me and it is incredibly frustrating.

To make matters more frustrating, she has been reconsidering getting back together with me because it has taken so long to complete this item in the first place. I agree, I’ve been delaying and delaying, mostly because I’ve been scared of dealing with this. It is one of my faults, delaying or avoiding things that scare me. This is one of the major issues I’ve been struggling with this past week. She helped me realize I was falling into this old habit again and gave me the kick in the ass to move forward. So this week I did everything, everything, to ensure this task was completed this week. But now, I have to wait, on others, before this task can be completed, and it only reflects poorly on me, because I have to wait, and can’t reap the reward of completing this task.

I know she is going to think this is me delaying again, there is no way around it and there is nothing I can say. Actions speak louder than words, and until this task has been completed, I am stuck. My hands are tied here.

The task at hand, is paying off my immediate debts. One of the catalysts of everything falling apart was financial in nature, as is the case with most people who get into trouble. And I can’t do anything beyond my own personal building, until this task has been completed and this money has been repaid. I have the money, I’ve worked my ass off and sacrificed a lot to make sure I did, but now, I am waiting on policy and procedure before anything can happen. I just want this done.

I am angry and frustrated and can do nothing but hope that when this is finally resolved this week (it had better be done this week), that she will understand that I was not intentionally delaying. I just hope its not too late.


One response to “Beyond My Control

  1. Me too, when something scares me, I just keep putting it off. And putting it off. And I usually find in the end that it’s the thinking about doing something scary that’s far worse than actually facing up to doing the stuff that scares you, if that makes sense.
    Love Jane x

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