The Next Step

I’ve been writing quite a lot tonight. There have been so many big changes and successes the past few weeks that I am in a great frame of mind and want to keep a record of the transformation and share my good thoughts.

There is one more big step on the list that I need to complete and I feel all of this additional writing is prepping me, or delaying me from completing it. I feel I need to apologize to everyone that I have hurt because of my actions. Perhaps not directly, but I destroyed a lot of relationships and broke trust with many people that I feel I owe them something, to let them know that I am regretful for what I have done, and that I am taking steps to become a better person.

I finished writing up the list of  people I wanted to apologize to, and it is daunting. There are a lot of people. Many may not be expecting to hear from me, but regardless, I feel bad for what has happened and how I have hurt them.

I feel like I need to write at least a few apologies tonight. It won’t be easy and will certainly be an emotional process, but it is necessary and will help in the healing process both for myself and for the people I have hurt.

I’ll do it, regardless how tired I feel right now. Regardless how much I want to delay this. Of everything I’ve accomplished, I won’t truly feel free until I’ve made amends (or attempted to make amends) with those I’ve wronged.

Work Hard and The Right People Will Join You

peoplecometoyou

 

I was originally going to post the quote about how if people aren’t there during your struggle then not to expect to be there during your success, but that quote seems a little too negative for how I am feeling.

It is true that when things fell apart for me, a lot of people, almost everyone I knew, turned their back on me and shut me out. Understandably given the circumstances, but there were a few that despite everything I did, still maintained contact and wished me the best while I worked through everything. Originally, I was mad at those who turned their back, but I have taken a lot of time to think about it and I’ve let that anger go. I can’t blame them for acting the way they did. They felt betrayed themselves and from their point of view, I was the one that turned my back on them.

So instead of being negative, I’ve posted this quote instead. As I am starting to see the light with all of my rebuilding efforts, people are starting to come out of the woodwork to reconnect with me. There is no provocation on my part, they are reaching out to me to reconnect. It is a relief that people are getting to the point where they feel they can once again talk to me. It means that I am getting back to the point where, although they may not trust me, they want to repair the relationship and start working on the trust again.

I am going to meet with each and every single person that wants to meet up with me. On the List, one of my goals is to repair relationships and by meeting with those who are willing, I can start setting those relationships back on the right path.

This quote rings quite true. Now that I have made these changes and am focusing on becoming a better person, people are starting to take notice and are willing to reach out and reconnect. The only question is that if things ever go to shit again, will these people stick around? But the way I am setting my life up now, that will never be something I’ll have to worry about.

Work Hard, Be True To Yourself, and What You Want Will Come To You.

Career Acquired!

This has been an incredibly awesome week and its only Monday! Fresh off the heels of me and my partners publically announcing the launch of our company, I had an interview for a fantastic dream job of mine today. I was excited about it all last week as I prepared myself for this great opportunity. This particular position has everything with it that I could want, and it carries with it a lot of opportunity to grow and meet some amazing people.

I had the interview this morning, and before I could even head out of the city back home, I had a phone call from them offering me the position. They said that my passion overwhelmed them, and I could feel it during the interview. This position feels right. Taking this job and moving forward just feels like the right thing to do. As I move along fixing my mistakes, and start acting true to myself and right to the world, good things keep happening, and this position, this career path, seems like one of those things. I can do well with this new position and there is unlimited direction for me.

I am excited for the future and ready for this next chapter.

Working My Ass Off

It has been a very busy week. I’ve ben doing a lot on all fronts. Obviously, making big steps in my improvement, ramping up my career search, organizing my own business venture, and actually putting in 100 per cent at my current job. I’m finding happiness, so I really don’t mind the long days. And as long as I have coffee, my only vice these days, then I am fine. It is tiring though. My days are around 20 hours long at the moment. I know it isn’t good to be pushing myself so much, but I am on such a good roll that I don’t want to stop or slow the momentum.

I feel like I am living three lives right now as I work on everything. Switching gears several times a day to makes sure all of my goals for the day are accomplished. I can’t run like this forever, but as I accomplish more, the less of the ‘neccessary’ items there will be, and Ill be able to focus strictly on building myself for the future.

Doing it for Myself

I’ve been working hard and really buckling down to reorganize my life lately. Every step I make brings me closer to that day that I can look in the mirror and respect the man I see. As time has been moving along during my journey, I am finding that I am gaining more confidence. I am generaly feeling better about myself, feeling more and more hope, and less despair about the future.

No matter where I end up in 20 years, 5 years, or even next year, I know it’ll be a better place than it would be if I didn’t go through this whole ordeal. I am excited for the future. I am crafting it to what I want it to be, rather than letting things just happen.

I’m not there yet, there is still so much to do, but I’m getting there. My motivation to succeed is now coming from inside, not anywhere else. There is no one I need to please, no one I need to report to or be responsible to, other than myself. I am free, and I have limitless potential.

All Paid Up And Moving Forward!

Today is a day of celebration for me. I get to cross of an item from The List! It has been a long time coming, and, has been the item that has been causing me the most stress and concern for the past few months.

Today, I am all paid up with my immediate debts and can now look forward with nothing but hope.

This is a very big accomplishment for me, and I am happy. I have been working very hard to get these debts paid off. I’ve been stressed out, and sacrificing a lot in order to do so, but now I can finally, truly focus on what is ahead. This success, is more than just paying money that I owe, I’ve actually changed my perception and behaviour with money and that is what I am really proud of. It is a tangible change that I can see and feel good about.

I’d love to write more, but its almost 3 am and I get up for work at 530 am. I’m already exhausted from two very full days already and today is going to be very tough as well. However, there is no more stress. Every action I take now, is to build me up as a better person, there are no chains holding me to the man I was before any longer.

My slow crawl over these past few months can now become a run.

Ready, set….go!