I am starting back out with absolutely nothing. I have made a lot of bad decisions over the past few years and am now reaping the consequences of my actions. Because the choices I have made, I have lost everything in my life. Everything that I held dear to me, and everything that defined me as a man.
Living through these consequences is teaching me though. I am learning that the man I once was, was not he man that I should be. This was not the man that I set out to be many years ago, and not the man that I ever want to be again. I am learning about shame, embarrassment and regret, for perhaps the first time in my life. I understand now that I have been guilty of hubris for quite sometime. I never thought that such arrogance and pride was a part of my personality, but I now realize it was. I am now experiencing humility and embracing it. That man I was before is now dead.
The end of one story signifies the beginning of another, and it must happen now. I am starting again, not rebuilding, starting life over in hopes I can one day have a life I can be proud of. I have a life time of lessons I’ve learned already, and with this wisdom, I might just be able to do it. Start a new life, and be a man again.
I will overcome the challenges that lay ahead. There are many, many things that I need to do before I can have respect for myself again. I will do what ever it takes though. I have strength and I have hope. I will achieve greatness, and will eventually be able to look in the mirror and call myself a man again.
I have developed a list of what goals I hope to achieve to become a man. It has started out with just basic needs, but I hope that as time passes, and as I achieve more, this list will grow, and my goals will continue to evolve.
This blog is my journal of the journey that lays ahead. If only for myself to read when I am facing difficult times. So I can look back and see what I have been able to overcome and know that I truly can achieve anything I set my mind to.