This past weekend marked the end of something I never thought I’d never have been involved with in the first place. This weekend I had my final session with my counsellor.
The end of this chapter was meet with bitter sweet feelings. I actually developed a great, trusting relationship with my counsellor, one where I was actually able to open up and talk about things about myself that I have been silent about for my entire life. I saw some great progress working with my therapist, and it helped me get through some very difficult times. I was also able to share great joys as well, and it was an uplifting experience to be able to include another in the secret that has been my life.
It does feel a little like I’ve just lost a close friend though. I never thought I would have benefitted from therapy. I am the kind of person that has always thought they knew best for themselves and my inability to trust people made growth counselling a near impossible feat. It took me many months just to start opening up, and I almost gave up a few times because it seemed hopeless. I’m sure my counselor was frustrated with me more than a few times. But my counsellor was persistent and patient, more than I’ve seen in most people, and eventually that persistence and professionalism paid off.
When I did open up, it was like a dam had burst. I had so many emotions, thoughts, and fears bottled up that I felt like I had been broken apart and like humpty would never be put together again. But, as time passed, and we continued working together, I discovered more about myself, and learned ways to control and even change certain behaviours, and it stuck. There were things we tackled that I didn’t even know I had issue with. the more we talked, the more I felt I knew myself. And that felt great.
I never would have thought Id have been able to go through this experience, but now I wonder how I was able to get by so long without it. I never thought that when we started, Id be sitting here feeling completely at peace with myself and feeling nothing but hope for the future.
It is okay to admit that sometimes you cannot handle something on your own. You may go through times where you feel nothing but hopelessness and despair. But you must remember that even if you feel you are all alone, even if you do not have any friends or family to rely on, as long as you have breath in your body, you have the power to change things.
Seeking professional help to deal with my life issues was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I encourage you to seek out assistance yourself if you feel like there is any part of yourself or your life that makes you feel unhappy. You can find that happiness. There is no shame in asking for a hand to hold.