This has been a very interesting weekend to say the least. But because this is a blog of my thoughts and feelings along my journey, I’m going to say much more.
For a while now, I thought that she had just about enough of m. I thought she felt wo betrayed and angry that her and I would probably never speak again, let alone reconcile our relationship.
A few days ago I received a text message from her, asking to meet up. I was nervous, and figured that this was the big “closure” talk we needed to have so we could both move on. We agreed on a date and I spent the next few days in sorrow feeling that this would be the last time I ever see her. A few days passed and I received another text from her, asking if I could send her an update on how I am doing since we haven’t talked in so long. I was happy to do so and spent several hours putting together an email update on my life this past month. If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that there has been some huge progress lately. I sent it off and waited for a response. She texted me soon after and asked if we could meet sooner. Still not knowing where her mind was at, I agreed to come by her house a few days earlier. I spent the days inbetween racking my mind on what might transpire when we met up and was still unsure whst to expect right up to the point where I knocked on her door that evening.
She opened the door and I felt a wave of calm rush over me. Any negative feeling, about her, about life, about anything, disappeared. I was suddenly just happy to be in that doorway with her. Nothing else mattered. We hugged for the first time in over a month and I almost broke down in tears because of all the emotions that surfaced. I realized just how much I wanted her, needed her in my life.
We spent the evening talking away, first by going over the update emails sent between us, then going into greater detail about how we were feeling about life, the universe, and everything. We found that there had been an incredible disconnect between us and we had been miscommunicating our true feelings for quite some time.
We talked early into the morning, despite being exhausted, we didn’t want to interrupt the flow, the progress of our reconnection.
The end result is that we talked out all of our outstanding issues with each other and what might keep us from moving forward. The most surprising, and relieving part of it all, was how easy it was to share my feelings and thoughts. I no longer felt guarded or scared to trust her. I felt at home.
Over the next few days we’ve been continuing our discussion and trying to get back to where we were before I wrecked everything. I feel our connection is much stronger now as a result and that we’ll be have a much more open relationship in regards to our feelings and thoughts. With everything I’ve gone through to improve myself, I can actually see real change in how I interact with people, especially her.
I joked with her the other day that with our progress, I would be able to cross a very important item off my list, “Get Her Back.” Though I don’t want to jump ahead of myself and claim success when its only been a few days, her and I are now travelling this path together, becoming stronger than we were before. I now understand that I am not getting her back, but rather, earning her and her trust back.