It has been a particularly difficult time for me the last week or so. I’ve been doing everything I can, but things just haven’t been going the way I thought they were. I am reazling that I haven’t really been able to truly change things because I am still holding on to something that isn’t there. I’ve ostrasized myself from this community and everything I hold dear, but I want to fix everything and try to reintegrate myself. I want to try to repair all of the relationships that I’ve destroyed, I want to try to put things back to the way they used to be before all of this happened. I am realzing that this may not be possible. No matter what I do, this mistake will always hang over my head and although things will heal over time, I don’t know if anyone will ever forget. I don’t want to give up, but by holding on to this dream I may be hurting myself and preventing myself from finding the right path to be a better man.
I am realizing that bigger changes need to be made if I want to truly start feeling better. I need a fresh start.