As I mentioned in an earlier post, I had received a message from my former girlfriend this week that said she missed me and really wanted to see me. This message obviously made my heart soar. I thought that If she was missing me and wanted to see me, it might be the first step I can take to begin repairing the damage I had done to her life, and perhaps even move forward. However, I was scared, and concerned that this might not be the best action for either of us, for many different reasons and told her that it wouldn’t be a good idea, even though I would have literally died to see her again. That night though, I didn’t sleep for a second and spent the entire time thinking of her, what I had done, how my actions will affect us both in the future, and of course, what kind of harm would come from us meeting face to face. When morning came I had completely changed my mind about seeing her and wanted to so bad that it physically hurt me.
I messaged her right away and said that I was wrong and that we should see each other. There was no way that anything could get any worse from us seeing each other. She agreed and we scheduled a time to meet. Well, tonight is that night, where her and I will sit across a table from each other, probably with a coffee or beer in front of us, and talk for the first time in a month. I have no idea how this conversation will go, although I believe I’ve imagined every possible scenario, both completely horrible and amazingly awesome. It will be so good to see her again. I know we’ll end up talking for hours.
But I’ve never been more terrified in my life.